Dummy’s guide to being a responsible citizen

Hey all the irresponsible citizens out there,

I’m writing this post out of all the rage I’ve been feeling about the people from your tribe. But never mind, I’m very responsible, so to make things better for you guys, here is a guide to being a responsible citizen, I’d like to call it:

 

                               

            A dummy’s guide to being responsible, or being me.   (Photo courtesy: Google)        

1. The most important tool to being a super-responsible citizen: Read the worst-possible news you can every morning, sigh and share your expert opinion on all matters that concern the the dog next door more than anyone else. Doesn’t India want to know everything?? Oh, coming to dogs, have you hit a stray with a stone yet? No? Seriously? You sure you want to live on this planet any more? 

2. Travel ticket-less, abuse natural resources, public places; Dudes we pay bribes regularly and  taxes once in a while, need we pay more?

3. Buy a smart phone worth 35k; How else do you expect yourself to represent our country in Subway Surfers/Temple run? Please don’t spare money for donations for any NGO’s, they are nothing but black-money stashing playgrounds for foreigners and babus.

4. Eat at fancy restaurants; And also make sure the food at your lavish wedding is disposed well. You’re a responsible citizen, and so have to look after your own pet-pooja first, baaki sab dooja. It’s very simple, just ignore all those starving bodies around you, they’re simply trying to ape Kareena Kapoor’s size zero.

5. Raise alarm when foreign exchange rises; take your spouse gold shopping. But yeah, Dollar rises! WTH!!

6. Like, re-tweet and share all the causes you want to promote; you’ve done your share of work. Please don’t volunteer for any ground work projects, but yeah if you want a few check-ins, tags on social networking website, here’s a way to do that: Go to FabIndia, buy a white kurta and click a selfie: And Voila! Social activist!

7. Celebrate festivals in an eco-friendly manner; rather than buying 10 small idols let’s buy a huge one for the entire building. Hah! talk about being environment friendly. *throws all the decorative items in the nearest water body*

8. Don’t open your bags at public places where the security guards have to try and act that they are checking for explosives. Public transport more convenient to carry them, no? If you are unsuccessful at doing that then please, please contact one of the Babas who guarantee that no one can cross their work.

9. Get drunk, abuse; but this can be done without getting caught only if you’re married because then you own spouses or if you’re a juvenile.  Also now that you’re drunk already, please take out your car, there are people out there on the streets, waiting to be crushed. 

10. Share this with your other irresponsible friends.

Here’s hoping these help everyone. I’ll edit this or maybe write a new post if get to learn any new gyaan.

Until then, keep spitting, peeing, coughing in public places and make yourselves at home.

Irresponsibly yours,

Responsible citizen.