How much does #RIPPhilHughes matter to me?

Not much. Being very honest right at the outset.

My sincere condolences to his family and friends and fans – but what happened to him, was in all probability an unfortunate incident, even accident maybe. But for me (an occasional spectator of the sport), I don’t feel much beyond feeling bad for the family and his loved ones, but not enough for me to join the #RIP army.

Picture courtesy: http://cnn.it/1vtCdbc

Now here’s the problem, you would ask, if not a fan of the sport, what gives me the right to write about it, right? You bet! Or maybe you don’t. But, in Cricket somebody always does, so you needn’t worry about that. Anyway, without digressing any further, I’ll put forth my point:

Like every good Indian involved in an argument, I’ll answer your question by posing the same question back at you which will be followed by an answer: Q. Why does a death of a human being in an unfortunate incident matter that much to you?

A. To put things into perspective: (Note: Generalizing things a little here, to avoid hurting anyone’s sentiments) A cricketer is one of the of the 7.125 billion people on the planet, out of which given that the mortality rate is 9.5 deaths/1000 people, 71250000 people stand a chance of dying due to several causes/reasons.

To put things into simpler perspective, let us look at it only in the Indian context*:

1. In India, over 19,728 deaths have occurred in accidents involving two-wheelers, and in most cases it was absence of, let alone quality, of the helmet.

2. About 70% of women face domestic violence in India; a woman is raped every 29 minutes; a dowry death occurs every 77 minutes.

3.  This year, 18,735 people have been killed until now in railway accidents.

4. Our country’s infant mortality rate is currently at 41. That means 41/1000 infants die under the age of one – mostly due to lack of basic sanitation facilities like washing hands.

I could simply Google and throw some more numbers at you, but that’t not the point.

And like a true Indian, after beating around all the Bushes, Clintons, Obamas, etc I put forth my actual point, which is also a question to you:

Why don’t we value lives of these aforementioned people? Why are these simply a statistic for the most of us? Why can’t we think of these people as someone we love?

Imagine getting killed by a bullet, not from a gun, but a train. Imagine your house-help who might have been a victim to child marriage which most likely involved dowry and is now suffering from violence at the hands of their spouses. Imagine the beautiful children in the baby-products ads, and now imagine them being dead because their mothers didn’t have access to a bar of soap (and water!) Imagine you, yes you, sitting on a bike with your loved one as pillion and (god forbid) fall prey to an accident and die only because you didn’t wear a helmet.

Putting an #RIP doesn’t really convey much. Because if it did, we would have a #RIP for those 71250000 people, wouldn’t we? After all, every one of those is someone’s Phil Hughes..

*Note: The data used above may/may not be very accurate. Following are some of the sources that were referred:

1. http://www.who.int/mediacentre/factsheets/fs310/en/index3.html

2. http://pib.nic.in/newsite/erelease.aspx?relid=74404

3. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Domestic_violence_in_India

4. http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/india/Death-on-rail-tracks-on-rise-18735-lives-lost-in-2014-till-October/articleshow/45323918.cms

5. http://data.worldbank.org/indicator/SP.DYN.IMRT.IN

6. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Traffic_collisions_in_India

This is Garbaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

And the most loved, fun-filled, boisterous, mesmerizing festival is here – Navratri! Which makes people exultant, ecstatic, elated and all the other Es you can find in a thesaurus. (Yes, that’s right, I’m a Gujju!)

In case you don’t know what Navratri means to a Gujju, here’s an example:

Normal parents: Awww! My baby girl/boy just took her/his first step today!

Gujju parents: My girl/boy did her/his first Garba step today! Aaaaaaeee haaaalllloooooo!!! *throws kid into a dandiya competition masquerading as a fancy dress contest*

I have ‘mixed feelings’ about my childhood Garba experiences though – maybe because I won gifts like a mixer, a grinder, a coconut grinder, a blender etc. Sorry for the poor joke, but haven’t gotten over the trauma of realizing that I danced for hours for a MIXER!

For beginners, Garba/Dandiya is nothing but a person’s best attempt at pretending to not doing Govinda’s dance moves (better known as Visarjan dance) while moving around aimlessly in circles. (Note: People from Mumbai may also feel nostalgic as it feels like you’re in a local train – with all the shoving, kicking, swinging with the train bogie, people blaring music on their phones, etc.)

It is also the time when most of the boys hitting puberty try their best to not end up looking like this person while dressing up for Garba:

Picture courtesy: http://bit.ly/1uSmRLB

No marks for guessing how miserably they fail.

As opposed to the general misconception, that the most difficult part about Garba is the part where you dance, I think the most difficult aspects are:

1. Finding a road that is not blocked for Garba.

2. And then controlling your urge to mow down the people who are blocking it.

3. Donating limited quantities of body fluids. I mean sweat, of course!

4. Avoid misusing the Dandiya sticks to give ‘hitting on’ a new meaning altogether.

And so on.

I also think that Garba has a very deep philosophical meaning: It is perhaps the only time when behind every successful man (because a Gujju means a Bijiness man!) is a woman and vice versa while they traverse a whole circle of life. Wow, this surely calls for a round of Dhoklas. And Fafda. And Khaman. And Jalebi. And Undhiyu.

Don’t worry about the fat that accompanies them – 9 days of Garba is the equivalent of an Iron Man run, cross fit, Cardio and kick boxing. (Please note: This may result in aching of body parts you never knew existed. *switches to the WWE voice-over tone* So, Please, please, please, DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME.)

It is also when a lot of romance supposedly blossoms! You mean, a lot can happen over chaas, eh? Or even better – Masala Chaas – you know just to ‘spice’ up the things a little.

‘I want a hangover, tonight!’ ~Curd.

Picture courtesy: http://bit.ly/1pAgCre

For people not enthusiastic about the entire affair, I think the best possible use of the situation can be – getting married! Yes, seriously! You have all the ingredients that you need: 13267214562 people who are dressed to kill (literally!), a truly saddening orchestra, an even more sadder pandit, and saddest parents. And yes, the food court! And God.

I have decided to give it a miss this year, since Yo Yo Honey Singh hasn’t come up with a reply like ‘Do me favor, where’s your choli?’ to Anu Malik.

Also, I have realized that by engaging in this I am contributing to noise pollution in some way and the fact that like other festivals we celebrate, this too has lost its meaning and purpose.

To those celebrating it, please do so responsibly and avoid going to venues which are in the vicinity of hospitals, senior citizen homes, or homes in general – you don’t want to celebrate at the expense of someone else’s misery, do you? And, and I can’t stress this enough, please don’t contribute to traffic by parking your vehicles irresponsibly – you ma end up being on the receiving end of wrath from some Deviprasad or Devis in general.

Happy Navratri to those celebrating otherwise too! 🙂

Ab ki baar, bas hua yaar!

May 16 is nearing and it would be a historic day as we look forward to and anticipate more episodes of ‘Comedy nights with Kapil Sharma’ – oh wait, what’s the joke there? It’s in the name! *Shakespeare facepalm moment*

Picture courtesy: http://bit.ly/1g0rkcY

It is also the day when Indian national anthem is declared best by UNESCO for the 2678956th time and also when your WhatsApp turns green, red or sick of your constant abuse.

Also, the country recently celebrated fingering RaGa days, also known as getting inked and putting up selfies. He was sure to have a,umm, hard time this election (feel free to replace the L with a R – ambidextrous, for the win!)

That brings us to the recently concluded elections and I’m sure most of us must have cast their vote against the icon of a rat’s ass – because that’s what we give to elections, right?

The best part about the elections though, is that it’ll finally put an end to: Ab ki baar, Modi sarkaar chants; my house-help not getting her broom back from Kejriwal that he had promised to return in 48 days but has failed to do so; RaGa’s summer vacations, etc.

I’m too bored with these self-anointed spokespersons on social media platforms for different political parties based on parameters like chest-size, no.of dharna’s/minute, a child’s dream of becoming a PM etc. But then they say it’s their voice, their space.. *enter Robert Vadra*

It’s a good thing that quite a few of us voted, but that’s there to it – wasting your time debating about who is right or wrong wouldn’t change a thing (except the number of people in your friends/followers list), and what’s ridiculous is most of the debates aren’t even personal opinions, they’re simply the views expressed by the newspaper you read or the news channel that you follow – whose prime purpose should be helping you form opinions and not make them for you.

I sincerely hope may the best man/woman/RaGa win, but let’s put this to an end. Regardless of who wins, instead of wasting time debating that we should instead be fascinated by how Tiger Shroff is masquerading as Priyanka Gandhi and promoting his next! Or let’s debate what is more boring 2 states the book or the movie. Or worst case let’s help find RaGa a new job under NREGA! Thoko, thoko, thoko taali.

Vote – just do it!

Only for demonstration purpose; and no commercial intent behind it. 🙂

Vote – just do it! by Dharmaraj Solanki is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.

Meanwhile in Mumbai..

Meanwhile in Mumbai..

Meanwhile in Mumbai.. by Dharmaraj Solanki is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.

Love is in the air*

* Starting Rs. 99.

I know the question that comes to mind is: When did love get so cheap? Or rather so easy to get? Or the point that when did we start attaching specific names to days?

Have we all forgotten the pressure under which Carbon was put on a Valentine’s day to please his spouse to turn into a diamond! But no, diamonds are priceless, they’re forever. ~ De Beers. ( Brilliant article on the diamond marketing industry: http://nyti.ms/1b1MW5Z).

The tremendous potential of 1 day making the other 364 feel like present-ly challenged is amazing. It truly is gifted!

Also, the florists feel like they have a profession too and then they hibernate for the rest of the year- growing flowers (hopefully).

Like the rest of the days celebrated with a name attached to it and over that you’re expected to remember them. Yeah, right, as if Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Sunday, Saturday etc (arranged in no particular order) weren’t enough.

 

Love is in the air, literally. Picture courtesy: http://bit.ly/1lNDPHo

Or even as extremists celebrate by playing truth, dare and stare.

The question persists: Do we need such days to remind us of spreading love, being nice, bringing smiles, calling that long-lost friend and of course eating chocolate? Of course not.

These days are nothing more than a marketing gimmick which we all fall prey to.

So, let’s not wait for a 14th February to tell someone that you love them or a 26th January to feel proud to be an Indian.

Carpe diem! Seize the day rather than wait for the day to seize you (under the disguise of a name attached to it).

 

Indian School of Bijiness

Well, well, well! The long-impending post about my experience at one of the finest business schools in the world is here. *self slow claps*

My blog posts gather the same amount of attention as Cristiano Ronaldo winning the Ballon d’Or. I’m not very fond of competition though, especially when it gets Messi, But it’s okay- one for Ronaldo (the Brazilian.)

So, yes I was at The Indian School of Business, Mohali with 24 others after having performed well at the I Lead India program by the Times of India (for more: http://bit.ly/1iqmrab), and so were sent for a course on Transformational leadership.

Indian School of Business, Mohali.

And the experience has been truly transformational, and I have gained a lot. From having a family pack, I progressed to having a buy 1-get-1-free. ~ My tummy.
The food there was truly amazing, and what’s surprising was it was available for less than 12 Rs- It was complementary, Raj Babbar, bitch please.

Le me at ISB, Mohali

Keeping aside my appetite for a while, it was a learning experience- in true sense of the words.
From having an exceptional teacher-mentor-life guru(https://twitter.com/TransforMentor), to having been surrounded by the best minds and of course, hearts of the country.

All the while I was wondering what makes such an institution what it is- Is it the breakfast? Yes. Is it the Lunch? Of course, yes. Or the dinner? Burp yeah!

But truthfully, the course seemed more like a platform where ideas, opinions and experiences were exchanged.
Having discussed audacious goals that everyone had in their minds for the country, to having decided on the mindsets that we as an individual need to change to be a better leader were what made the experience worth a lifetime of learning. These are a few among a lot of other ideas that were discussed.

Everyone also shared their experiences which they encountered while working towards- making their city a world-heritage city, conserving mangroves, setting up bus shelters, making their city safe and work towards restoration of a water body in town.

I’m sure the lessons learned there will be imbibed by each one of us in our lives and will help as be the change we want to see in this world in a more efficient manner.

Also, a special mention to the amazing hospitality at ISB, Mohali! Kudos to the entire department, the experience just couldn’t be better.

All in all, it was once in a lifetime opportunity for most of us to: learn, unlearn and transform. 🙂

The curious case of :) :( :D :P :$ and the likes.

This is the age of emoticons. Those small yellow coloured creatures abused on every possible media platform. They smile :), if you want them to; They frown :(, if you want them to; they Asaram :*, if he wants them to; or nothing like the trademark Manmohan :|.

(Image: Wikipedia)

Imagine a conversation between a few distinguished people:

Manmohan Singh: 😐

Arnab: Sir, India wants an answer.

MM: 😐

Arnab: Sirrrrrr!!! :@

MM: 😐

Sonia: ❤ 😀  :*

Rahul: Arnab, 😛 😛

Pranab Mukherjee, Chidambaram, Antony etc: (Y) Superlikes!!

I have nothing against emoticons. In fact, I love them! It makes ending conversations easier, and also if you have nothing to say, choose any emoticon or simply type a :), and you’re done.

What annoys me is the emoticon overkill. Does over-using them make you an eligible replacement for Govinda? Does adding a :* (multiplied by the number of awwwwws in the picture) make you feel Emran Hashmi-ish?  Does updating a status on any platform with emoticons actually help you convey that feeling for you? I feel all it does is makes you feel that you’re following the generally accepted convention of using them even if it’s not needed. At all.

Technology is good, it always is. But it’s over-use that is harmful.

When was the last time you laughed out as loud as you pretend to through these characters? When was the last time you actually stuck out a tongue at someone, playfully? When was the last time you laughed so hard with a friend that you actually had tears in your eyes? 

Human face is the most beautiful sketchbook ever. So, please don’t refrain from displaying the emotions that you actually feel. 

I’ve seen so many people type so many emoticons on their devices without registering even a small difference on their faces.

Now that all of us have soooo many of :)) with us, let’s give a few to a kind strangers who might have helped you in any way because otherwise if you do so you’re inviting someone to rape you; to a stray animal; to an elderly person whom many of us take for granted and lastly to all small babies, because they smile back and that’s the most beautiful thing, isn’t it? 🙂

Choked.

Disclaimer: This is just an opinion, and doesn’t mean to hurt any religious sentiments.

One of the most loved festivals is here. You love it, I love it, we all do.

Considering the sentiments attached to the festival, I’d rather ask a few questions than post a rant.

Festivals are a beautiful manifestation of a number of things: emotions, human spirit, brotherhood amongst other things.
The result generally is that we feel choked with emotions; but since when did that mean we can choke our most precious natural resource: Water. Apparently, our beloved god has the face of an elephant, an animal which does enjoy the company of water bodies. Do we really think He would be pleased with us for doing this?

Image courtesy: Google.

Also, we feel how much of a difference a small idol could make? They say in Hindi “Boond boond ghada bhare” (A vessel is filled drop by drop); Ironically we are exploiting the water bodies, drop by drop.

I’m no environmentalist and so won’t comment like one, but I’ve had this question since a long time: Do we ever think about the kind of effect the chemicals and paints have on the marine ecosystem? Talk about oil spill and pollution? Let’s have some reality check. Also painful is the condition that a lot of idols end up being in: washing off to the shores, broken parts, etc. Isn’t that indirectly hurting the very sentiments that are attached to the idol?

Image courtesy: Google

I have nothing, absolutely nothing with the celebration. But there are some environment-friendly ways of doing so. A lot of them are already doing it, through different ways, respect for them. I wish I could do something like that, had plans, didn’t materialise. But as they say, there’s always a next time…

I simply wish that festivals go beyond idols, because idols are created when people come together and truly feel the sentiments and they celebrate all the things for which started celebrating festivals in the first place.

Here’s wishing everyone a happy festive season. Apologies if this post has offended anyone.

Stay blessed.

Dummy’s guide to being a responsible citizen

Hey all the irresponsible citizens out there,

I’m writing this post out of all the rage I’ve been feeling about the people from your tribe. But never mind, I’m very responsible, so to make things better for you guys, here is a guide to being a responsible citizen, I’d like to call it:

 

                               

            A dummy’s guide to being responsible, or being me.   (Photo courtesy: Google)        

1. The most important tool to being a super-responsible citizen: Read the worst-possible news you can every morning, sigh and share your expert opinion on all matters that concern the the dog next door more than anyone else. Doesn’t India want to know everything?? Oh, coming to dogs, have you hit a stray with a stone yet? No? Seriously? You sure you want to live on this planet any more? 

2. Travel ticket-less, abuse natural resources, public places; Dudes we pay bribes regularly and  taxes once in a while, need we pay more?

3. Buy a smart phone worth 35k; How else do you expect yourself to represent our country in Subway Surfers/Temple run? Please don’t spare money for donations for any NGO’s, they are nothing but black-money stashing playgrounds for foreigners and babus.

4. Eat at fancy restaurants; And also make sure the food at your lavish wedding is disposed well. You’re a responsible citizen, and so have to look after your own pet-pooja first, baaki sab dooja. It’s very simple, just ignore all those starving bodies around you, they’re simply trying to ape Kareena Kapoor’s size zero.

5. Raise alarm when foreign exchange rises; take your spouse gold shopping. But yeah, Dollar rises! WTH!!

6. Like, re-tweet and share all the causes you want to promote; you’ve done your share of work. Please don’t volunteer for any ground work projects, but yeah if you want a few check-ins, tags on social networking website, here’s a way to do that: Go to FabIndia, buy a white kurta and click a selfie: And Voila! Social activist!

7. Celebrate festivals in an eco-friendly manner; rather than buying 10 small idols let’s buy a huge one for the entire building. Hah! talk about being environment friendly. *throws all the decorative items in the nearest water body*

8. Don’t open your bags at public places where the security guards have to try and act that they are checking for explosives. Public transport more convenient to carry them, no? If you are unsuccessful at doing that then please, please contact one of the Babas who guarantee that no one can cross their work.

9. Get drunk, abuse; but this can be done without getting caught only if you’re married because then you own spouses or if you’re a juvenile.  Also now that you’re drunk already, please take out your car, there are people out there on the streets, waiting to be crushed. 

10. Share this with your other irresponsible friends.

Here’s hoping these help everyone. I’ll edit this or maybe write a new post if get to learn any new gyaan.

Until then, keep spitting, peeing, coughing in public places and make yourselves at home.

Irresponsibly yours,

Responsible citizen.