And the most loved, fun-filled, boisterous, mesmerizing festival is here – Navratri! Which makes people exultant, ecstatic, elated and all the other Es you can find in a thesaurus. (Yes, that’s right, I’m a Gujju!)
In case you don’t know what Navratri means to a Gujju, here’s an example:
Normal parents: Awww! My baby girl/boy just took her/his first step today!
Gujju parents: My girl/boy did her/his first Garba step today! Aaaaaaeee haaaalllloooooo!!! *throws kid into a dandiya competition masquerading as a fancy dress contest*
I have ‘mixed feelings’ about my childhood Garba experiences though – maybe because I won gifts like a mixer, a grinder, a coconut grinder, a blender etc. Sorry for the poor joke, but haven’t gotten over the trauma of realizing that I danced for hours for a MIXER!
For beginners, Garba/Dandiya is nothing but a person’s best attempt at pretending to not doing Govinda’s dance moves (better known as Visarjan dance) while moving around aimlessly in circles. (Note: People from Mumbai may also feel nostalgic as it feels like you’re in a local train – with all the shoving, kicking, swinging with the train bogie, people blaring music on their phones, etc.)
It is also the time when most of the boys hitting puberty try their best to not end up looking like this person while dressing up for Garba:
Picture courtesy: http://bit.ly/1uSmRLB
No marks for guessing how miserably they fail.
As opposed to the general misconception, that the most difficult part about Garba is the part where you dance, I think the most difficult aspects are:
1. Finding a road that is not blocked for Garba.
2. And then controlling your urge to mow down the people who are blocking it.
3. Donating limited quantities of body fluids. I mean sweat, of course!
4. Avoid misusing the Dandiya sticks to give ‘hitting on’ a new meaning altogether.
And so on.
I also think that Garba has a very deep philosophical meaning: It is perhaps the only time when behind every successful man (because a Gujju means a Bijiness man!) is a woman and vice versa while they traverse a whole circle of life. Wow, this surely calls for a round of Dhoklas. And Fafda. And Khaman. And Jalebi. And Undhiyu.
Don’t worry about the fat that accompanies them – 9 days of Garba is the equivalent of an Iron Man run, cross fit, Cardio and kick boxing. (Please note: This may result in aching of body parts you never knew existed. *switches to the WWE voice-over tone* So, Please, please, please, DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME.)
It is also when a lot of romance supposedly blossoms! You mean, a lot can happen over chaas, eh? Or even better – Masala Chaas – you know just to ‘spice’ up the things a little.
‘I want a hangover, tonight!’ ~Curd.
Picture courtesy: http://bit.ly/1pAgCre
For people not enthusiastic about the entire affair, I think the best possible use of the situation can be – getting married! Yes, seriously! You have all the ingredients that you need: 13267214562 people who are dressed to kill (literally!), a truly saddening orchestra, an even more sadder pandit, and saddest parents. And yes, the food court! And God.
I have decided to give it a miss this year, since Yo Yo Honey Singh hasn’t come up with a reply like ‘Do me favor, where’s your choli?’ to Anu Malik.
Also, I have realized that by engaging in this I am contributing to noise pollution in some way and the fact that like other festivals we celebrate, this too has lost its meaning and purpose.
To those celebrating it, please do so responsibly and avoid going to venues which are in the vicinity of hospitals, senior citizen homes, or homes in general – you don’t want to celebrate at the expense of someone else’s misery, do you? And, and I can’t stress this enough, please don’t contribute to traffic by parking your vehicles irresponsibly – you ma end up being on the receiving end of wrath from some Deviprasad or Devis in general.
Happy Navratri to those celebrating otherwise too! 🙂
Views, opinions, sarcasm and beyond.. 